my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
