Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
