she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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