my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I want is dick and wine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
