Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
