Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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