I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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