I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He better not be in your backpack
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
