I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
