wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
