so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
