If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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