Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
