he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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