Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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