hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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