doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
