So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
