so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize