We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
