we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
