I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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