On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
