My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
