I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
