when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
