i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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