Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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