I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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