The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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