Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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