U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
