Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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