Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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