my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
