she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
