Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
