hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
