Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
