I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
