he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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