A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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