If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
