Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
