ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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