Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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