I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
