there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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