and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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