I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
