If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
