i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
