so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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