what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize