Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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