Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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