she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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