in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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