That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
