And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think a kid would responsible me up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize