Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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