OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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