I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize