I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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