You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize